Always, you.

I need you to tell me everything is going to be okay again
I need your hugs and your constant reassurance
I need you to tell me this feeling won't last
I need you around
I need you to stop choosing the easy way out
I need a lot of things
I need you in my life;
Then, now, later, always, forever.

Words of Wisdom;

Two pieces of priceless advice I accumulated after a specific revelation today;

a) "Well doesn't that show we stick by you?"

and

b) "Maybe, just maybe, she's a shit friend and you haven't done anything wrong"

I must admit, I am whole-heartily grateful for the differing perspectives my wonderful friends have the ability to show me. And without them, I would be in a near constant state of self-doubt and destruction.

My Best Friends

They have proven themselves more than anyone should have to in one life time.

They are individually the small boats that save me in the open water I drift in, and I am quite unsure as to how I managed to stay afloat before you.

Even though I will never find the words to say all the little things that you mean to me, I can promise you that if granted 1,000 wishes, you'd each be in them, every single one.

Thank you for being the most perfect people I have fortunately stumbled across.
I am infinity indebted to you.

Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?

I forgive you, even though I don't think I do.
And although I didn't think I would, I miss you more each day.

Right now, I'll take you anyway I can have you.

I spend my time just thinking ut you.

I think the thing that I feared most with you; finally happened. Didn't expect it to feel like this though.
P.S; sorry for the ambiguity.

Waiting For You.

You asked me not to leave. And although almost no one understands, I haven't moved an inch.

Labyrinth.

This small paperback book, "Looking For Alaska" has almost certainly changed my life. Despite the constant spelling errors and improper grammar, there is a character, this Alaska character, that I can see so clearly within myself. The constant smell of smoke and cheap wine relates almost perfectly in more ways than explainable. Alaska always knew exactly what she wanted; a way out of this labyrinth that we've all unquestionably settled comfortably into. How did she get out? Well as the book describes, straight and fast like she had always intended, an instant death. However the future? What aspects of this labyrinth did she never experience? As she asserted herself;

"You spend your whole life stuck in this labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use that future to escape the present".

So maybe Alaska Young didn't want her future, maybe she had faced enough disappointment in her 17 years to last her a lifetime. But how could fear of disappointment lead you to terminate any chance of happiness?
I'll never understand how someone could simply choose not to swerve.

My Darling, Who Knew?

Maybe, in fact; rarely, it is impossible to ever understand someone fully. People lie and people keep bits of the past, whether purposely or not, in the dark. Because of this we shouldn't ever assume we know someone completely, or understand the decisions they make. John Green wrote:

"You left me perhapsless, stuck in your god damned labyrinth. And now I don't even know if you chose the straight and fast way out, if you left me like this on purpose. And so I never knew you, did I? I cant remember, because I never knew"

We bully ourselves, over-analysing decisions made by people that we never really knew, not because we weren't close to them, but because there are always things that we never knew.
As more things unfold I can decide why you're gone. But I've begun to let you, or it, go.
I will never know now. And what difference would it make in the end? You're still gone.

I want to tell you, How much I miss you

It didn't matter what you did; what rumors I heard and what lies I discovered. I always managed to find a loophole to squeeze you through, a way to defend you.

Now,

you're not around and so I miss finding the loopholes, I miss your little "good mornings", and those pity fights we consistently battled, and as cliche as it may sound, of all the things, I miss you the most.

I had no idea just what I was getting myself into.
<3