Ayn Rand

No one. I'm going to be everything I ever dreamed of!
Just watch me.

I refuse to believe that restraints such as money or connection can hold me back!

The Hardest of Hearts!

There is love in your body but you can't hold it in, it pours from your eyes and spills from your skin. Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks and the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts.

There is love in your body but you can't get it out, it gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth. It sticks to your tongue and shows on your face, the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste.

Darling heart, I loved you from the start but you'll never know what a fool I've been. Darling heart, I loved you from the start, but that's no excuse for the state I'm in!

-Hardest of Hearts ♥ ♥ ♥

♥

Lost: Self Faith.

I seperated my heart from my head to figure out what's inside. I don't like what I see so I say goodnight....
- Erin McCarley

Forever

"If you could hear me,
I'd say our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we have touched"
- Remember Me
Most beautiful & challenging film..

Later Days

I don't think I'll ever know how to let go and move on. But it gets easier, each day that passes and each lost memory is one step forward.

Saying goodbye is the best thing to do, the trick is, it's also by far the hardest thing to do ♥

Be You, Be True..

Refresh

In the last nine months, I've never run out of things to write about. There has always been a drama, an upset, a happening that construes my life on a day to day bass. However since I cut the man who holds my heart out of my life for the last time 4 days ago, I've found myself failing to write, whether its happy, sad, devatated or frustrated.

I just seemed to have stopped feeling anything. Not being attactched to you feels so surreal. I go to start a conversation but I can't seem to remember what I spoke about before you. It's like my head has been wiped clean and now I have another chance to live a life that is purely my own again. I have all this room in my mind for thoughts all of my own. And when I relocated and fix my heart, I'm going to have all this love to give to someone who is not you.

I have to become myself again, a seperate person from who I was when I was with you. So the next few weeks have become solely dedicated to myself and relocating the person I once used to be.

Time?

Everything is going to be okay if I just breathe.

I need time to sort out where my head is. I know what I want and what I should have. So why is it that there is a whole other side of me pulling me back into the same deep past I'm trying to forgot?

Silence

Yours

Just know it was you all along who had a hold on my heart ♥

Raw

I haven't felt anything real for a while.
Nothing that wasn't underlined by a sense of numbness or emptiness away.
So for the first time in about 6 months, you're letting me feel again. Your opening up my doors and letting butterflies in, and all other sorts of emotions that I never thought I would have again.

The only thing is, I'm so scared. I know this feeling and I remember where it got me last time.
I don't want to fall if you're not going to catch me.
I can remember that feeling distinctly, that's a feeling you never forget.

My Superman

Looks like I've got myself my very own superman. It's almost as if all the things that went wrong in my previous relationship have been made up for two-fold with this wonderful boy.

I feel so lucky unbelievably lucky ♥

Made For You

I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules but baby I broke them all for you because even when I was flat broke you made me feel like a million bucks, you do. I was made for you.
You see the smile that's on my mouth, it's hiding the words that don't come out and all of my friends who think that I'm blessed, they don't know my head is a mess. No, they don't know who I really am and they don't know what I've been through like you do and I was made for you...

Independence

For the first time in a long time I have taken some time out to learn to stand on my own two feet once again.

I have grown up a lot in the last two weeks. In the varying absences of my usual go-to people, I had to learn how to deal with things on my own again. It was once I was alone that it dawned on me; for so long now I have depended on one person or another to pick up my emotional pieces and glue me back together after every drama that would worm itself into the middle of my life. I've merely gone from one person to the next, counting on them to hold me together when I can't. So in these two weeks of almost sheer isolation, I was given time to figure out what primarily matters to me and gave myself a major opportunity to see the standpoint I hold in the lives of various people.

No longer do I want to find myself depending on other people because I have learnt firsthand just how much it hurts each time one of these people inevitably leaves and in return I am now learning to depend on myself again, a skill I had once mastered but have since forgotten.
Instead of moving from one person to the next, I will rely on myself, and myself only to hold it together.

I haven't had to stand on my own two feet for a considerably long time and it's about time I put them to good use once again.

Good Enough?

Last night, I received a message saying "Nope, not good enough" and I suppose this message alone sums us up, telling me everything I ever needed to know.

Whatever it was that we had, it was never good enough for you. More significantly, I was never good enough for you.

I gave up everything and somehow justified all my actions in order to give you exactly what you wanted but now you have said everything I subconsciously refused to believe you were thinking.
It doesn't matter how much I sacrificed, how many people I hurt or how many lies I told,
It was never good enough.

Unpredictability

Today, one of my oldest friends questioned my motives. She asked where I planned on heading with this whole "situation" that I had got myself into.

The truth is, I have no direction and I never have. I never planned things with you because we are more unpredictable than Australian weather. Good days or bad days are never strung together consecutively in quantities larger than three. We have no specific tie to each other, yet never have we failed to pull through for each other when its come to the crunch. Neither of us seem to question where this is heading because we are both avoiding the inevitable answer of no where. You seem to know me better than anyone else and are constantly at the end of my hideous moods, tantrums and accusations although you have no real hold to put up with them. I, on the other hand, deal with constant scrutiny from those closest to me for putting up with your lies, betrayal and selfish acts.

At the end of the day, it's almost like we have become stuck on this immense rollercoaster. It seems that it is going much too fast for us to consider the opinions of those standing by and whether it slows down or not, the question is, are either of us ready to get off and walk away without looking back?

The answer is becoming clearer as each month falls beneath whatever our "situation". And in a delayed response to my friends question, wherever this rollercoaster takes me...

Come Home

When you're away, it's like my heart has gone to.
It's like I'm here, but I can sense something vital is missing.