A method of substitution?

This hurt is a little freaking unbearable.
Why do I keep letting you walk back into my life when you're just planning the next way you'll walk out again.
Take it or leave it.

Patiently waiting,

I am having one of those days, those days where every thing runs smoothly and there is a constant deliverance of pleasing news, those days that make every thing horrible that is happening seem that little more bearable.

These days don't come by so often anymore but I'll tell you now, when they do come, they come in full swing bringing that breath of fresh air i had been gasping for for so long.

♥

Have you ever been so hurt you just wanted to stop feeling completely?
Yes.

Note to self...

Dear Hannah,
Did I miss the memo informing me that you had become the world's biggest dickhead?
No, scratch that.
Did I miss the memo informing me that you had become the world's second biggest dickhead, only to be re-used for the up-millionth time by the world's actual biggest dickhead.

Let me know when you return back to the normalities you once called your morals and join civil society once again.
That is all.

Holding

In these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight.
I'm finding every reason to be gone,
There's nothing here to hold on to.
Could i hold on to you?

Here, here and here.

Extraordinary things are always hiding in places people never think to look
♥

Campbell Alexander:
"'That's the life', she said to me, as we watched a puppy chase its own tail, 'that's what I want to be next'.
I had laughed.
'You would wind up as a cat', I told her, 'they don't need anyone else'.
'I need you', she replied.
'Well', I said, 'maybe I'll come back as catnip'.



I guess I lost my catnip.

Shelved goods

"Your careful silence can't replace your stupid smiles... You stole me"

I don't want to be refunded as a change-of-mind purchase or faulty item, stop throwing me back and forth because you already have me.

Misconception

I always thought the term 'worried sick' was just another one of those expressions, until tonight. The pit of my stomach has become residence to this uncontainable, overwhelming feeling of worry unable to subside due to the lack of answers and knowledge, causing such a nauseating storm inside of me that I am going to literally be sick.

The worst part, I don't think you have even the slightest idea of what is in store for you and you refuse to listen.

A simplistic return,,,

How is it possible that once I had begun to believe that things held the most minimal chance of worsening, that they took a full throttle dive straight into the deep end?

Now I find myself in a state of constant repetition, reminding myself to breathe and smile, and then breathe again. I am trusting that this is all going to be some sort of temporary solution to my present problems however I believe I'm setting myself up for another complete letdown.

Instead of this smile and breathe technique, (which I must admit works incredibly well for the short-term period), I seem to find myself returning to that doomed state of denial where I attempt to block out the new stories that surface daily. I can return to pretending that none of this ever happened, I can pretend that I never screwed up and you never lost everyone you ever had (worth having). I can pretend that it was never real and you didn't break me. I can pretend that there was once an ounce of truth behind five months of lies. And I can continue to pretend we all stayed reasonably happy.

Alas, my question; how long can one truly be in denial for?
Mmm....

My secret.

I don't know who, or where you are, but thank you for sharing the same secret.

Fragile

Without you there
I don't think I can close my eyes.


-Constant Knot, City and Colour.

Apologies.

My shade is down.
Yesterday, today, always & forever.
One million apologies won't erase it.
I'm sorry, one last time.

Time eventually heals.

"Since you've been gone all I wanted was for you to come back to me and say "sorry baby, I was wrong". But I waited, my faith is strong, this hurt could be undone. Time goes by and hope subsides, I fell for way too long.

I cried so many nights wishing you were by my side, my hearts so tired of breaking. Suddenly here you are, you're saying all the words I was waiting for but I don't want you no more.

You got the same smile you did before, it used to make me weak in the knees. That look in your eyes used to drive me wild but I already made my peace. Who knew there could come a time when you said yes and I said no? Cause I missed you so long and since you been gone, I've been trying to let you go."

♥ ♥ ♥

Now I'm just waiting for my time to come, when I don't want you anymore.