Day 25

Day 25 - Something you would do if no one stopped you or if you knew you wouldn’t fail.

That's a really broad question, but the first thing that comes to mind is to love limitlessly. If I was one hundred percent certain in my mind that I could not be hurt or fail, I would love endlessly and without limits. If there was a guarantee that there would be no heartbreak, no loss and no tragedy, that would be the first thing I would choose to do.
But for right now it's just barriers, barriers, barriers.

Day 24

Day 24 - Something you did as a child that other people remember you for.

I was exactly like my mother and now my younger cousin is exactly like me. When i was not impressed with something/someone boy did I let them know it. I had this thing called the 'hannah face' and i think every female cousin I have under six years of age has mastered it. I'm so proud they are taking after me. Just keep in mind that they are standing up for something, and we were always told by our elder family members that if we didn't stand for something, we would fall for anything, so it is one trait that I have happily passed on. 

Are YOU okay?

Am i okay?
Seems to be the question of the day. Seems to be the only question people are willing to ask these days. Seems to be the simplest of question, yet why is it that I find it so hard to answer.
The answer that comes to mind is yes, purely because that is the socially accepted answer. But when it comes down to it, I don't really remember the last time I have felt okay, or that things were going to be okay. No one ever wants to hear a string of problems unless they happen to work in a paid profession and get paid multiple hundreds to listen to them, then of course problems are like little goldmines. And packed on top of that is this barrier we have to keep our guard up and not speak of our problems. There is nothing I'd rather do less than speak about the multitude of things that bother me. How relentless and horrible.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a whinger, I actually despise them, and I really do love everything that I have been lucky enough to gain in life, but no, to answer the question, I am not okay, nor do I know when I will be again.

Day 23

Day 23 - Most awkward first impression you feel you’ve ever given

Hahaha, oh any of the people I encounter when telling scandalous stories, then trying to cover them up and seem normal. I don't know how I manage to come across normal some days. Sorry for being extremely non specific though!

Behind Schedule - Again

Day 20 - A BAND THAT YOU IMMEDIATELY LIKED AND THE SONG THAT MADE YOU LIKE THEM

The XX - My new favourite, who I have gained this massive passion for! The first song I heard by them was Basic Space, and it is such a lovely song. I recommend them to all, the album is pure gold! See pictured (left)

Day 21 - YOU FAVOURITE MEDIUM OF ART

Paint, definitely. Some paintings are inexpressibly beautiful! I wish I held half the talent some painters have to create something so wonderful.

Day 22 - SOMEONE YOU WOULD GIVE UP YOUR LIFE FOR WITHOUT QUESTION.

When push came to shove I'd give up my life for anyone I truely love. In my eyes, life without them wouldn' be half as great, so I'd rather have no life than a life without them.

R.I.P

Rest In Peace to all those who passed away at Loveparade last night. May your precious souls rest happily, and true to the festival; may your spirits live on in togetherness with peace, love and happiness ♥

My heart and thoughts today are with the families that are involved with the tragedy. God Bless ♥

It's Been A While

Sometimes, I still need you.
.

Forever Ago

Today i thought of a memory that i haven't thought of in ages, if ever. I remembered the first time we ever hung out. You made me come out so early because classes for the day begun. We met at that stupid Bunnings hardware store, it must have become our most visited location. I was helping you pick out paints even thought you already knew what you wanted. The lady working at the paint desk spoke to us about painting our house, how the colour you chose would look nice in our hallway if it happened to be long. We went along with the story, claiming to have our own house, fit with a long hallway. You made me so happy, when I left for class that day, I came back to you within the hour. You had this sickly sweet contagious smile. Its kind of funny now, the things that I'd forgo just to have one more day like that one, all the things I'd immediately give up just to share that god damn stupid hallway with you.

Day 19

Day 19 - A passage from a book that has touched you

This is it for me right now, especially the last line. It kind of emcapulates everything I'm going through.

"For me, it was a bottle of Strawberry Kiwi Arbor Mist because when you are twenty, this is the solution to every problem. I was freshly dumped and I drank the whole thing in my bathtub. Eventually the water grew cold and I got out, wrapping myself in loose bedsheets. I dripped into my living room and onto my couch. It had been two weeks and I still wasn’t sure how to be alone. I turned on the tv and went through every channel and eventually made my way through the movie channels to find Hannah and Her Sisters playing. It was just at the part of Mickey and Holly’s first date and I laughed as he asked her whether she had a kilo of coke in her purse. I pushed my wet hair behind my ears and watched as Mickey and Holly met again unexpectedly and things were easy. They just were, if you will. You’d never think that it would be that easy, especially for these two, but it is. That guy I was drinking mom wine over didn’t leave me because I worried too much, he left because things weren’t right. I got it then. Life was too short to be with someone who wasn’t quite right, someone who made you think more than they made you feel.”

I've got something to believe in

This probably wont go any further, but for right now, I'm happy with the imagination that it might ♥.

How's This for a Wicked Tatt

For those of you who can't read it, it says "all you need is love", oh how I love The Beatles, and tattoos, great combination!

Day 18

Day 18 - A picture that has made you feel.

One of my all time favourites... it says so much about the world. Consider & Enjoy ♥

Day 17

Day 17 - What you want to remembered for.

Although I'd obviously like to change the world and do a whole bunch of remarkable things, namely increase protection and rights to stop animal cruelty, but I would be nothing less than completely content if I was remember for being a mother, a wife, a sister and a friend. I'd feel as though my purpose had been fulfilled had I led a life that was complete, full of a friendship, companionship and happiness. There isn't much else I could aim for, and anything on top of this will just be an added extra :D. That's my big dream.

Days 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 & 16

I realize I have been incredibly slack and completely failed the blogger 30 day challenge, but hhis is no reason to quit something I have started, so here are a couple of days all crammed into one for you!


Day 11 - Favorite picture ever taken of yourself

I don't really know to be entirely honest. I have a few favorites, but most of which dot really look like me, which is probably what I like about them, the fact that a person has so many more sides than one and even a camera can capture that. Most, in fact all of my favourite photos are completely natural and unstaged, those photos are the magical ones.



Day 12 - Your favorite musical artist’s life story

I know I talk about her a lot, but I really do think Pink is pretty inspiring! From her stories at I've listened to at her shows and interviews, it's pretty clear she had one hellish childhood and got pretty messed up mentally, but the amazing journey she has gone through on her way to fame is so inspiring. And on top of this, she has stayed so grounded and so true to herself. You never ever come across jeer in the tabloids being shallow or conceited and the way she uses her fame to promote causes such as PETA is something any person should be proud of!

Bon Iver comes in a very close second though. My ex told me his story after I confessed my major love for the band. He told me about the heartbreak that Justin went through and the way he secluded himself into a small, isolated place without nothing but simple recording materials and absolutely poured his heartbreak into the most raw, beautiful and meaningful songs I have ever come across. I wish I could transcend my heart break into something half as wonderful! I envy that beautiful man!



Day 13 - A memory that never fails to make you laugh

My childhood best friend and I have a copious amount of personal jokes that any pair of best friends would admire. Mention any of these to me and I'd remain in stitches for hours on end. My personal favorite was when we had to confront a boy who came into our restaurant for an apparent internet date that had bailed. The tantrum that this man threw was enough to make anyone lose it. I'm not one to laugh at horrible love stories and people being stood up, but really, after hearing his sketchy internet story, I hated explaining that I thought there was a chance he had been the butt of a joke, but his horrible personality made me realize he totally deserved that!



Day 14 - Best mashup you’ve ever heard

All best mashups easily go to either DJ Zannon or GirlTalk. I'm not a massive fan of hip-hoppy music, but honestly, those two artists could swing anyones opinion. I love the way you hear there music and you just cant help but get up and dance, so enjoyable!



Day 15 - A moment, phrase, or song that has changed your life the most

There are too many; anyone that really knows me understands that Jodi Picoult and Chuck Palahniuk could write a bible for me for it is mainly their words that have shaped who I am. In addition to these two amazing writers, I've also been incredibly influenced by the words and lyrics of Miranda July, Bon Iver, The XX and Bobby Dupeau. A lot of references throughout my blog are directly attributed to them.
Anything typically raw that changes my perspective gets chucked into this little book I have, for inspiration and guidance, two things no one should be without.



Day 16 - Something that you want to do within the next five years.

In eighteen months I am embarking on a world trip with my best friend for 12-18 months. Thats all I hope to achieve in the next 5 years and although it might not sound like much, thats about a lifetime achievement For me. I want to see everything, meet everyone, care for baby monkies and elephants in Africa, teach English in Thailand, ride through the swiss alps, shop in New York, laugh at the funny guards in Scotland, kiss a beautiful Irish man, ride a gondola in Venice, buy gorgeous clothes in Turkey and work all summer in the Greek islands. I want to camper van all through every state in america and climb the Eiffel tower in Paris. I want to look at the memorials and attractions everywhere in the world and meet everyone. In the next five years, I want to change my life in ways I could never imagine.

Run-in's

You know that classic butterfly feeling you get when you run into an old love/lust from the past? Well I got that today, in full swing, and really it felt a lot more like swooping eagles than butterflies. The numbness was kind of overtaking. However, most people generally get this feeling when they happen to cross paths with these significant others, but today, true to my big dramatic style; I got this feeling when I very much almost ran mine over. Well done on my behalf I'll say

Reminder

A nice mistake

Today, while desperately seeking a computer at uni, a bunch of lecturers mistook me to be a French exchange student. Now I sort of wish I went along with it. It would have been fun to be a French exchange student for one day haha (:

I was all kinds of flattered, thinking that my style had been taken to be that worthy of a French recognition maybe. It wasn't till over an hour later that I realised that they probably saw my notebook covered in pictures of Paris, shame!

Dead Heart

Sweet heart, bitter heart, now I can't tell you apart.

Lovely

I'm setting us in stone 
Piece by piece before I'm alone
Air tight before we break
Keep it in, keep us safe
-The XX

An Inconvienent Metaphor

I forced my mind to forget everything, but it was okay because all those memories were written up and typed down in my computer, stored for the days i was allowed to remember you and everything I loved about you and about us. I got really good at shutting it out, so good that i have almost completely shut up all my memories of you, because sometimes it just hurt too much.
Now my computer is dead. And maybe this was a sign that I need to forget and living in this realm of memory is not good for me. It's funny that i was able to move on as long as I knew that somewhere all our memories and moments had been saved. Kind of like our relationship. I was able to move on as long as you were at arms reach when I needed you.
And i think the reason I'm most scared is that I'm starting to view my dead computer as a metaphor. Now that it is gone, away with all those memories, and things i loved, I'm scared you will be gone for good too.
Funny isn't it? When it comes down to it, we are no where as strong as we perceive ourselves to be.

The Notion of Passing Time

The 4th slipped passed again this month unnoticed, almost anyway. I think you are also counting. You contacted. Thank you for somewhat staying in my life, even if it wasn't the way that either of us planned for. One whole year next month. I miss you, I hate you and i still love you.

Day Ten

DAY 10: A DREAM THAT YOU HAD IN THIS PAST WEEK DESCRIBED IN DETAIL

I had this insane dream the other day that I was pregnant but I couldn't tell my parents for some reason. Anywho, so I flew abroad and flew away from everything i have here including my friends and hid out. I came back what look liked a couple of years later with this absolutely gorgeous son and explained how I adopted this amazingly beautiful boy.
Not only did i wake up extremely confused as to where this boy came from, but i was at a complete loss with the situation, why i couldn't tell my parents and how i was so confronted by the situation. I just don't understand i guess, how people my age are become mothers and fathers, Ive never really understood it really, and always assumed they had mapped out their lives, but honestly, they are pretty inspiring.

Day Nine

DAY 09: FIVE THINGS YOU WANT TO SEE CHANGE

1. The selfish nature of humankind. I don't know if its just me but more and more constantly, I am noticing the selfishness of so many people and the sheer lack of selfish acts completed by people lately. These days, it only seems as if people are willing to do something if they will get some form of return benefit from it. It just seems so, so sad.

2. The insane amount of injustice in the world. I know it's something that isnt going to change overnight. But I can look at examples from my own hometown, sydney, and the millions of dollars we spend on new years eve fireworks, and then look at the figures of the homeless people that night. I just think for the sacrifice of fireworks, all those people that could have a bed and a hot meal, even if only for a few nights. It's such a shame.

3. The level of my own strength. I am no where as strong as I used to be. I think that is single-handledly the thing I miss most Bout the past.

4. The stability of my life. I don't really know how I expect that to change but at the moment I feel as though my life is almost resting upon a balance beam. As I said, I don't even know how I can change this, but I should work on this pretty quick smart.

5. Happiness levels. I want people to be happier, and I think whatever it takes to do this is totally worth it. Happiness is honestly the most inspiring thing we have in life, people take it for granted. It is so special, and true happiness is so rare. It is something we need to chase, it is so worth it (:

A Stitch In Time

Time seems to pass a lot quicker these days. I no longer find myself counting the days that have passed since I last spoke to you or saw you. I no longer find myself attempting to hang onto the little bits of you that I had left. I guess in a way I just gave up and stopped waiting for you to be the person that so desperately enacted you to be. And instead I sit semi-satisfied with my effort, but completely content with my decision of absolute failure and avoidance of hurting myself further. It is kind of weird, that I have become so content with the fact we will never be everything I want us to be and yet I don't think a day goes by where I question my feelings for you. It's a funny business these feelings I am holding hostage.

Day Eight

DAY 08: SOMEONE YOU THINK WOULD MAKE A GOOD PRESIDENT

The best president I can think of from the top of my head would have to Pink, or Alicia Moore, depending on your name preference. I think she is so determined to do what she does to a great ability and her passion for things that matter astounds me everyday. I think it is shown through her ability to stay grounded on her way to fame that she has the determination and drive to be great at whatever she does and I think those qualities are crucial in running a country. And on the plus side, if I goes belly-up for some reason, just think of the great record we will get out of it aha.
However in saying this, I believe Obama is doing a superb job and believe he is by far the best candidate for president that we have (:

Day Seven

DAY 06: FAVOURITE COVER OF YOUR FAVOURITE SONG

Besides the songs of Bon Iver, I don't really have a favourite song so I have found myself at a complete lost of my favourite cover. However today I was listening to this busker in the city at Circular Quay, Alex Gibson, and I have to say that he was amazingly fantastic and I am most unsure as to how he hasn't landed himself one hot record deal. Anyway, the music he played would definitely rank up there in amongst my favourite covers, so for now, I'm going to say him because he was pretty god damn brilliant! To be honest though, any sort of unearthed acoustic cover of a silly pop song generally tugs at my heartstrings. I like it when people manage to turn unmeaningful bubblegum pop into something pretty soulful and wise. I wish I shared that talent.

Day Six

DAY 06: EARLIEST THING YOU REMEMBER

The earliest thing I can remember is walking on our farm, from the main house to the small cottage that was at the entrance of the property. My uncle and his girlfriend, now my aunty, lived in the small cottage and I used to walk my little four year old legs up the impossibly long drive way every afternoon so I could pick a new stuffed toy from my aunty's ridicously big collection of toys to sleep with that night. My favourite one was the minnie mouse from Orlando, Disneyland. I think that adventure used to make me feel bigger and tougher as it was the one place in the world I was allowed to wonder to alone and pick what I liked. It was also something special I still share with my aunty and uncle, my rocks in life.

Day Five

DAY 05: A THANKYOU LETTER TO SOMEONE WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE

To my first love (corny)!Thank you for being my mistakes made and lessons learnt. Thank you for what seemed to be a lifetime of experience and an insane emotional rollercoaster that I fail to compare to anything else. The time I spent with you, was without a doubt, some of my favourite times of my life. You made me smile and feel things in a way that no one ever had and I want to thank you for making me feel like the happiest person alive in ways I didn’t know existed. I want to thank you for making me experience so many firsts; first love, first betrayal, first heartbreak, first chase, first game and so on so forth, we know how the story goes. Mostly I wanted to say thank you for forcing me to become such a strong person, so sure within myself finally after months of questioning and self-doubt. Through our troubles I was able to relocate my morals and although you hurt me in more ways than i could explain, I wouldn’t trade my times with you for anything in the world. You were the very best and very worst thing that could have happened to me.

Day Four

DAY 04: WHAT YOU IMAGINE PARADISE TO BE LIKE

Honestly, paradise as I picture it is quiet, it's isolated, yet is beautiful and fulfilling. Although there may not be much there, what is there is based around your survival and what you need to get through without silly complications. This means that there is simplicity at it's finest, there is sunshine, wide open spaces and freedom of nature. There is no piling buildings lining blocks of streets, no chaotic traffic and no hustling people rushing through life without experiencing. It just is. Paradise is open, paceless and peaceful. You don't need much to be in paradise, just quiet, harmony and balance.