Because I'm in a lovely mood

'Unless it is passionate, extraordinary love, it's a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them'.
-Dreams for an Insomniac.

Magic

"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it"

-Roald Dahl. 

Trade

I miss London, a lot. I miss the smell of clean streets at 3am and the baguette shop with the neon blue sign. I miss the sense of freedom I felt in London, the disconnectedness. Come to think of it, there are a lot of things that I miss. Wondering what came next and being excited for fate unknown. In some ways I miss the emotional rollercoasters that I used to refuse to let myself off and I miss all the people that have departed my life during those rides.


But I look at my life now and I feel the spaces like galaxies between my bones that you have managed to fill. Love can be overwhelming and powerful, but I wouldn't trade this, what we have, for the things I miss and the next million things that I could add to this list. You erase everything I have lost and everything I never knew I would eventually miss. I know I do not say it enough, but I love you with every fibre of my being and sometimes even more.  

Eat, Pray, Love

"A soul mates purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master"


Right now, I am curled up in a ball, listening to the rain and watching my the movie of my favourite book, Eat Pray Love. Every time I read this book or watch this movie I feel so overwhelmingly obligated to myself to alter the entirety of my life.

Find this

'Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth "you owe me". Look what happens with a love like that, it lights up the whole sky'. 

Beauty

'For the longest time after that, neither of us said anything. I was unaccustomed to his silence, but I didn't mind it. I knew near everything about him, and he knew near everything about me, and all that made our quiet a kind of song. The kind you can hum without even know what it is or why you're humming it. The kind that you've always known'. 

Breaking point.

Sometimes I feel like I break into more pieces than I know what to do with. Instead of picking them up and aimlessly trying to fit them back together, I haven't been bothered lately. Nowadays, I seem to be convincing myself that I don't care; I don't care how many times the same person lies whilst staring into my eyes; I don't care how many false promises are broken or how many times I have to force myself into believing that things are okay.

This works for a while, but eventually it really begins to work and you don't care. And so now I am numb, and I don't feel much of anything lately. I know that's a bad thing, but sometimes not caring just hurts so much less.