Easier Said

"It's better to get lost moving on, than being stranded and broken with somebody"
- Rowena Cherry

Meaningless

I hate caring when I know that you don't....But when it comes down to it, everything feels like nothing when you're not around.

Playing For Keeps

Well it’s been days now and you change your mind again. All the cracks in the walls remind you of things we said and I could tell you that I wont hurt you this time but it’s just safer to keep you in this heart of mine”

-And the boys, Angus and Julia Stone

♥ ♥ ♥

Goosebumps

I am so scared that I will never, ever feel the same way with anybody else. Amazingly, I think I am more scared that there is nothing I can do about this; except accept it.

Finished

I don't know what I ever wanted from you. Not from the start and certainly not now that I'm confused and lost. I gave up everything for you, and I've now come to terms with this. Never again will I let anyone hold the potential I gave you to hurt me, because you soaked it all up and hung me out to dry, checking on me every now and again to make sure I was still sticking around.

But guess what?

For the last time, I am so, so done.

Lost

So this is what it has come down too... I'm not sure how I feel about all this.
I am now questioning every aspect of my life.

Shining Light

I have no clue what this is, but I like it, a lot. You give me butterflies. You've taken away all my pain and anger and replaced it with all these giggles and smiles, something that no one has been able to do properly for the last six months or so. I don't know how you are managing it but thank you for taking away all the clouds in my world and replacing it with your beautiful sunshine.
I know we made rules, but please don't go anywhere any time soon. You are pretty amazing ♥

I Can't Let You Go

"I'll stick around and see how bad it gets; I'll settle down and deal with old regrets. You know I adore you... I can't let you go, you're part of my soul, you're all that I know. I can't let you go. If love were a whisper what would I give you to speak? Maybe you're out of my reach, I can't let you go"

- Matchbox 20

Taking a Step Back

If I was to travel back 6 months ago and be asked if I could ever see myself where I am right now, I'd laugh at the person who would attepmt to tell me who my best friends are, who the guy is, what my priorities are, what morals I stood by and the direction of my current goals.

I would never believe it to be possbile for my world to change so dramatically.

I've made friends, who have turned into my best friends, while others passed through. I challenged everything I previously believed in in order to go after something I wanted so badly at the time. I made choices I don't support and I changed the life of many people.

I don't know if I've ever been good enough, but I'm doing everything in my power to right my wrongs and make my surroundings as good for me as possible. In the next two months, I will be seeing a new career, the beginning of a new degree. I believed this to be enough, but now I'm questioning so much more.

Help

I need this sick, overwhelming, pit of my stomach, nauscious feeling to leave me.
I can't sleep and I can't hold a conversation without thinking something has gone wrong.

Tides are Turning

Just to be honest, I'm becoming so sick of being the only one who seems to give a shit about anyone else in my circle of friends. This tedious pattern is emerging itself all a little to clearly, and I know I'm the easy person to call because you all take for granted that I will come running to you, and I will because you're my best friends, my favourite people in this entire universe and I would never let you suffer alone. But somewhere along the line this bullshit has got to stop. No offence, but what about the times I've needed you guys and I get a "can you call me back later" or no response at all. I drop everything for you guys continously, and I'm not asking that you even do the same for me in return every time I have a drama because Lord knows no one has that much time in the world, but even try being there for each other once in a while. I love you all with everything inside of me, but none of you are there for each other, and most of you, in fact all of you haven't been there for me lately. We are meant to be best friends, the 5 of us, yet one of us is about to become a missing person, one of us has dived head first into work, one into uni, and the other into his own problems. What happened to the days when we couldn't be penetrated and we all knew everything that was going on with each other.

It isn't fair that the responsiblity of keeping a friendship afloat rests upon one person. It's a heavy burden to hold.

Stand Up

Staring at this page I'm trying to avoid thinking of all these questions that I want to ask you and instead I think what I need to do is begin to question myself.

This begins a trend that I have previously been oblivious to. Instad of blaming you for everything you did to me, I should be blaming myself for giving you the opportunity to hurt me. Instead of being mad at you for the things I lost or risked losing for you, I should be angry at myself for believing you were worth jeoprodising them for. Instead of being frustrated with you for lieing to me everyday, I should instead be frustrated with myself for allowing myself to believe you had a shred of decency left within you.
Instead of felling hurt, embarressed, empty, broken, ashamed and betrayed for all the various things you've done to me, I should be infuriated at myself for coming back to you each time.

For the first time in a long time, I am taking responsibility.

Destined

"Love is not an equation, it is not a contract, and it is not a happy ending. Love is the slate under the chalk, the ground that buildings rise, and the oxygen in the air. It is the place you come back to, no matter where your headed"

- Jodi Picoult.

And as per usual, Ms Jodi Picoult has once again managed to perfectly articulate an indescribable emotion. One of my favourite authors of all time.

You've Got the Love

‘Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air, I know I can count on you because you’ve got the love I need to see me through’ ♥
-Florence and the Machine

Dream a Little Dream

Today, I had an immense urge to gather my belongings, move to America, get married and live on a ranch with my husband and our family.

This was a dream I've housed since, well since I can remember to be honest. It's funny how certain ideas might hold your future endevours.

Inspiration Needed

"Don't be afraid of death;

Be afraid of an unlived life.

You don't have to live forever

You just have to live"

-Unknown

Steady

Even though the world spins around as all these days race past and I have to replace the months on the calender, I'm constantly reminded of where I want to be, with you and you only. When I loose my faith in gravity and it's associated forces I know I can count on you to hold me steady and keep me grounded. All these people have come and gone, but for whatever reason, you're still here, standing strong.