Way to end the year.

The weirdest thing happened yesterday... And is still going. Will update inn the new year ;) (tomorrow) haha! Happy new years bloggers!!

Won't you help me

There will come a time you'll see, with no more tears. And love will not break your heart but dismiss you fears.

-Mumford & Sons.

I'm waiting (for you).

Can you please keep the 6/01/11 free.

While I get sandy on the shore..

This year:

(x/x) made out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
( ) celebrated Halloween
(x) kissed in the rain
(x) had your heart broken
(x) broke someone else’s heart
( ) had a stalker
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
( ) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) had an abortion
(x) done something you’ve regretted
(losing) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under a mistletoe
OTHER
( ) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
(x) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog
(x) listened to music you couldn’t stand
(x) went to a sleepover
(x) went camping
( ) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
(x) visited a foreign country
(x) cut in a line of waiting people
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren’t
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x/x) lost something/someone important to you

In 2010 I…
(x) broke a promise
(x) lied
(x) went behind your parents back
(x) cried over a broken heart
(x) disappointed someone close
(x) hid a secret
(x) pretended to be happy
(x) slept under the stars
( ) kept your new years resolution
( ) forgot your new years resolution
(x) met someone who changed your life
( ) met one of your idols
(x) changed your outlook on life
(x) sat home all day doing nothing
(x) pretended to be sick
(x) left the country
( ) almost died
(x) given up something important to you
(x) lost something expensive
(x) learned something new about yourself
(x) tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
(x) made a change in your life
(x) found out who your true friends were
(x) met great people
(x) stayed up til sunrise
(x) cried over the silliest thing
(x) was never home on weekends
( ) got into a car accident
(x) had friends who were drifting away from you
(x) had someone close to you die
(x) had a high cell phone bill
( ) spent most of your money on food
( ) had a fist fight
(x) went to the beach with your best friend
(x) saw a celebrity
(x) gotten sick
( ) liked more than 5 people at the same time
(x) became closer with a lot of people 

 
How old are you?
18
 
What do you mainly want right now, that would just make your week?
One thing, and it would make a lot more than my week.
  
If you were 8 and you could see yourself now, would you be disappointed?
Yes.
 
How many piercings do you have? 
Six, and I have been walking up and down the esplanade all day today to get my seventh, maybe tomorrow.
 
When is the last time you cried?
Yesterday afternoon, although I had promised myself I wouldn't get upset.
 
What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? 
Letting the waves at the beach throw around my body.
 
Would it be hard seeing someone kiss the person you like?
I just look at the photos instead and then sulk for the rest of the day, which outlines the majority of my day yesterday. 
 
Are you angry right now?
At myself. 
 
Do you like to sleep?
Considering I have slept more hours than I've been awake in the last week, the obvious answer would be yes.
 
You have to get a facial piercing, what do you get? 
Nose.
 
What did you do last night? 
Wrote something pretty impressive actually.
 
What color is your hair? 
Red.
 
Would you go out in public looking like you do now?
Just got home from my 28283 trip to the beach, my look has pretty much moulded.
 
Do you have feelings for anyone?
I bought a shirt and some kinky underwear just for him today, sigh.
 
You can only drink ONE liquid for the rest of your life, what is it? 
Water duh.
 
Would you dye your hair?
I do most weeks.
 
Does it bother you when someone lies to you? 
More so when they believe me to be dumb enough to not figure it out.
 
Do you want to get married?
Not before a couple of months ago, now I'm considering.
 
What are you doing after this?
I might go for a walk and suss out some dinner or I might continue my scavenge for a piercing shop.
 
Any plans this weekend? 
I think it's new years eve, but I have no idea of the day/date at the moment, but yeah I have plans everyday for the next 9 days so surely that will encompass a weekend.
 
Describe your eyes: 
Big. 
 
When is the next time you will kiss someone?
I'll tell you if I ever get this phone call that I've been very pathetically and uncharacteristically waiting for. I'm trying to set up a date, but it's awful hard when the other party opts to neglect you..
 
Who was the last person you hugged?
Dean.
 
Who is your last text from? 
Joe ♥
 
Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
About 45 times, to messages from everyone except the person I was waiting on.  
 
What was the last thing you drank?
Salt water from under a wave lol.
 
Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants? 
Shorts.
 
What were you doing at 11:00 last night?
Being friends with Russell.
 
If you won a million $ what would you spend it on? 
A house, far far away.
  
First person to call you in 2010?
Joe I suppose,
 
Do you text or call more?
I prefer calling. Unless its a wonderful message, then I like those so i can read back on them when I fall into my sour moods.
 
Last time you saw your dad?
If I tilt my head upwards, he is in my direct line of vision.

What if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
Ask him... It would be beautiful.  
 
So your locked in a room with the last person you kissed, any problems?
I think we'd be fine.
  
Lets be blunt, have you had sex in the past 48 hours?
I wish.
  
Do you know what the last person you kissed is doing right now?
Don't even know if he is alive at the moment. But no doubt he's happy as Larry.
 
Kissing anybody tonight?
Not unless I jump on a Red eye flight back to Sydney, even then I'd be highly doubtful that I would get my kiss.
 
Who was the last p-plater to drive you somewhere? When?
Clairebee. Before I left sydney we had a midnight road trip.
 
Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed on the lips?
He saw.
  
If you were drunk and couldn't walk, would the last person you kissed take care of you?
I'd like to think so.
 
Did you hold hands with anyone yesterday?
Yes.
 
What were you doing at midnight?
Pretty sure I was still being friends with Russell.
 
Is there someone on your mind right now?
Always. 
 
Have you done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
Everyday.
 
Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?
Yesterday.
 
Are you crushing on someone?
It's a lot more than that.
  
Who was the last person to slap your but?
Syl I guess.
 
Once a cheater, always a cheater?
Each to their own.
 
If you found out your bestfriend was having sex with someone you were with, what would you do?
Cry.
 
Why aren't you going for the person you want?
I am.
 
Are you currently trying to get over someone?
Failed.
 
Are you taller than the last person you kissed?
He says we are the perfect height.

Heavy sigh

I hate it when people say things and make all the sense that I have been trying to avoid.

Ditto

T.H. White once said: Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return.

Exactly.

Here Without You

It's funny how I feel like some massive part of my is missing. As though my leg or something vital has been detached from the rest of my body. It literally hurts not hearing from you.

CWM ♥

I have so much to tell you, and so much I want to talk to you about. I miss you here, I miss you more everytime I see something I know you would love here, which is basically everything. Wish I was waking up with you and loving you in person. Counting down till I next see you, stay safe. Loving always, xxo

17.5, Merry Christmas!

Things that I've want to do, have done and never thought I would do. A list to be completed by my 25th birthday, a very tidy deadline.

01. Step foot in every continent at least once
02. Go vegetarian
03. Write someone a legit 10 page letter
04. Stay up all night, only talking, to a significant other
05. Stay out partying all night
06. Find a job I love
07. Ice skate in Alaska under the stars
08. Get published
09. Kiss someone I actually like in the rain
10. Attend 10 concerts
11. Have sex
12. Ride a donkey in Santorini
13. Write a novel
14. See a show on Broadway
15. Have at least one birthday in New York City
16. Go to the olympics (spectator)
17. Shoot a gun
18. Go skydiving
19. Attend a royal ballet performance
20. Work in an American summer camp
21. Get married in Vegas
22. Pray daily, if not in the God-ly sense, than purely to remain thankful
23. Move out, preferably overseas
24. Go camping
25. Have sex in a car
26. Finish a 365 project
27. Snuggle in a hammock
28. Ride a gondela in Venice
29. Visit an ashram
30. Live in a lake home
31. Been cheated on
32. Purchase a foam finger at an American baseball game (It was basketball in the end)
33. Go trail riding with my horse
34. Throw a coin in the Trevi fountain
35. Ride an elephant
36. Steal a library book
37. Practise Yoga on a regular basis
38. Go blonde
39. Get my Eiffel Tower tattoo
40. Go scuba diving
41. Have sex in public
42. Eat ribs in a Texas steakhouse
43. Live in Europe and America for one month each
44. Go on a ghost tour
45. Attend a show in NY Fashion week
46. Stay on a ranch for at least a month
47. Head to the airport and get the next flight out
48. Meet a real life cowboy
49. Find love50. Keep love --> PENDING


Those that are smaller, have been successfully completed!

My sweetest downfall

I think about those fifties movies, the ones where all the actors and actresses look as though their faces have been stapled gunned into smiles that are more scary than they are believable. Only difference is that my smile has returned, and it's just sitting in place, glad to be home. It's laid its foundations for a little while and it seems content on staying there. It is giving bitterness and self-pity a well deserved Christmas break after all they're hard work the last couple of weeks and it's taking over. There is only one sole person to thank (:
I'm very selfish. But I suppose we all have action plans, I just don't have he virtue of patience to ride mine out.

Such a beautiful night, I missed talking with you, and of course everything else. But for some reason, i am only myself when I am with you.

I know you find happiness in making other people happy, and I wonder if you have spotted the glaringly obvious question yet. Time will tell.

Thank you for the very best christmas present I will receive this year. I will be showing everyone and I am most looking forward to my 'hello kisses' upon my return.
Merry christmas love xxo

Now if you'll excuse me, i feel as though I should sing a medley of ridiculously over-the-top happy musical songs from eras long before my life.

Guilty Pleasure

'I wanted you to fight for me! I wanted you to say that there is no one else that you would rather be with, and that you would rather be alone than without me'

-One Tree Hill

Like a beach without sun.

Well I suppose the title says enough when I think about it. I don't know anything anymore. I feel as though if I was in a cartoon, my character would take the form of one giant question mark, forever jumping into the bottomless pools of the deep unknowns, pushing the boundaries of the uninhibited and attaching myself to the untouched. Always doing the things that I know will leave me hurting more than I deemed possible.

It's time to be alone.
End.

"You meet thousands of people, & then you meet one person & your life is changed.. Forever"

They say you never really know what you have until it is gone, and I guess, sterotypically, that it is true. But a lot of things could be sterotypically true about us. The thing is though, you aren't gone -  just distant. I love you, and i know you think that I am only saying this to keep you. But that is so far from the truth. I second guess myself a lot you know, probably a lot more than you realise, but I never second guessed this. Once I had decided that it was what I wanted, I put everything I had into keeping you. I'm not going to sit here and try to define love and tell you exactly what this feeling is, because I simply do not have those words. However I will tell you that you never saw my faults as a bad thing, you saw the good in me and made me begin to see it also. You helped me realise a lot of things, not even solely about myself, but including you too, like the fact that when you said you were home I didn't believe you, because for me, home was in your arms, and I'd only wished you had felt the same. So when you said you were home, but my arms were empty, well that never made sense to me.
There are a lot of smaller things that make up love I think, which is why i think each time is different and unforgetable, people bring different things to the table. But if I had to list 100 things that I think equate to love, just know that you would be in every last one of them.
 
I sit here second guessing myself, like i previously mentioned. I don't want you to do this because you feel like you owe it to me, or your scared that I'm going to rebel. I just want you to have half of this amazing feeling that I have.
 
Gary once said to me that he knew his soulmate. They weren't together, they were just friends, but they had a friendship that you couldn't quite put your finger on, you couldn't break it and you surely couldn't understand it. You know, if you make your decision and i'm not it, I think we could get that friendship, if we worked real hard.
 
I know you think I love you because i'm not threatened by it anymore, but you have no idea just how threatening this is. Someone once asked me what is harder, telling someone you love them, or telling someone you dont. I have my answer now. 

Broken

This world would be a very lonely place if we never learnt how to love broken things.

On the way home i try not to fall asleep because I’d rather hear you sing. I miss you the most right before you actually leave. You’re the warmest color I’ve ever seen with my eyes closed.

I miss you. My home was in your arms and I never agreed to move out. It might be warm and still outside, but this world is a cold, cold place to be without you.

Sigh

I really hate feeling like this. In fact, there isn't much else I hate more in this world than feeling the way I do now.

Just a quick note

Just in-between all my whinging and sadness I'd like to make quick mention to how wonderful my day/majority of my weekend was.

My best friend returned for a small two night visit from Melbourne to see me before I venture off overseas once again. I also made some pretty heavy inroads to repairing a relationship I had recently damaged. Whether it ends up in a friendship or anything else, your voice still manages to brighten my entire day. Sorry for the last post, I was upset, I wouldn't even think about doing something that could hurt you.

And my weekend, well Saturday in particular was most wonderful, I even received a most unexpected visit from someone very special, in addition to seeing Jack Johnson and Tegan and Sara live :) Then attended the best party I've attended in a long, long time (see picture), was lovely indeed.

Hope all is well with everyone else!

Holy shitballs

To my dearest beautiful followers,

I recently got played like a old vinyl record spinning endlessly. Good news is two people can play the same game. You think a couple of photos is going to hurt, game on love. Come what may.

P.s thank you for all your lovely following, comments and questions, you make my day! Feel free to send some lovely revenge tips my way also (:

Keep smiling,
Xo!

Syl..

There are moments in life, even when you don’t realise it, that change everything – the way you think, the person you are, and the person that you are going to be from that point onwards. The night was so warm, the cool material of your car worked wonders, and even though your hands were as warm as they had always been, you were still the coolest person I knew. I know I had too much to drink, but it didn’t matter, it all felt so right. I knew better than to question it. Everything was wrong and maybe I was misled, but I guess sometimes it is easier to pretend it is all okay.

You looked like that moment between seasons, confused, not quite settled, but still so perfect. You pulled away from my kisses and asked me to give you five seconds of eye contact. You always did things like that. I would always hear your voice but I couldn’t never quite make out what it was you wanted me to do. All I could do was think of lying down to listen to your heartbeat, the only thing that was steady about us, or the way I’d always want to be touching you and how even the smallest millimeter of space between us could feel like a mile. Sometimes I wasn’t brave enough to conquer that mile, but it doesn’t mean that I ever stopped dreaming about it. I thought of the way we spun across from each other on that spinner, spinning just like everyone else in this world subconsciously, except it was only myself and you. I wished on 11:11 that night that it was only the two of us spinning in this world and those big stars, wet with the rain you had always liked.

When you wanted to move I got really scared. I wasn’t ready, I wasn’t brave. I hadn’t been with you long enough to remember you when you were gone. I needed you to remind me that you were here, just like the moon reminds me it’s night and you should be here. I needed you to remind me of the way you made me love you, even if I couldn’t say it, it was just trapped inside of me like a canary in a cage that wanted to escape more than the worst convicts in prison. It always hurts, everything fucking hurts. It’s funny how in the very worst couple of weeks of this year, you made me love this life without an obvious effort. It’s hard to accept that your last chance to live is also your first.

And then you were back. And I forget about being scared, because I had you. And thinking I lost you answered all the questions I had been searching for just like the way the way pirates spend their lives in search of treasure. I tried to stop, I knew someone was going to be hurt. But I wanted to hurt because I was going to miss things in my life, but I knew that I would miss you most if I stopped now. I thought of the way you’d rub your nose on mine. Or the way you would breath out through you mouth and I would swallow it up, sharing the same breath. I wanted to share everything with you. I thought about the crackling embers of that fireplace you put on for me and about the way I counted the minutes between your messages. I thought of the time you made me cry, but I turned my face before you could see. I don’t have a problem with eye contact, but I couldn’t look at you. I would always turn quick before you saw and knew that I was really this fucking broken, that someone could be this ugly. I got better at it, because you were fixing me.

And then you are telling me that you can’t be with me and I felt like someone had cut out a big red tumor and it was all broken and pussy. I felt like they told me this broken, inflamed thing was once my heart, but there was no fixing it. And now all I can see and hear is your eyes when you backed away from me and your heavy sighs when you’d doubt yourself. I think of the disappointment I must have been. I’m trying not to listen because I need to remember the person I was in love with and not the person who resented me like summer resents rain. Just for a second, I really did want to forget everything and become the uncracked leather of your couch, the spaces that were forgotten and untouched. Without my thoughts, without the crooked questions and hidden agendas I was something.
But then I saw your face and I was shaking harder than you ever shook me. I was scared you were going to touch my hand and feel just how broken I’d become and put me on the ‘used goods’ shelf. I was trying not to cry, because I remembered once I had saw your face that if I forgot everything I would never know there were people in this life as rare and exceptional as you. If I forgot everything I would never know what it was like to love something so fucking much that it doesn’t even matter if it’s not yours, all you know is you cannot, under any goddamn circumstances let it go.

I know now that this is to late, and it burns like hot coals pricking at my feet. I’m full of regret like a Sunday afternoon on a lazy weekend and I’m sorry for putting off all this for so long. But you deserve to know.

I Need You So Much Closer

I come in here and I sit in silence and hear the echoes of who we used to be. And so I wish for patience, and grace and strength to not make his life worse because of what I want. That's the toughest part... Letting go.

Come What May

I guess it came. It's funny, the way you haven't said anything at all... yet it is saying so much more than you ever could.

I liked you, in ways I don't usually like people. The way that I made birthday plans involving you, told my parents about you, begun figuring out all the things I wanted to do in life with you. Maybe it was rushed and maybe I am a fool to say this, but hell, maybe I even loved you.

You know the worst part in all of this though, I was fine with believing that I wasn't worthy of any of this; fine being the broken and bitsy girl that I am. But you tried to put me together, and make me feel like I deserved some part of this, and for a minute it worked. You made me believe, even for a fraction of a second, that I deserved someone as good as you, and maybe there was some truth lying beneath all those things you said about me. But you've snatched that all away, and there is only one thing worse than being broken and bitsy, and that is having your pieces stolen away, so you have no chance of putting yourself back together any time soon.
And to think I was on the mend.

Well you have my pieces now, just like you wanted. They're tucked into the cool leather of your couch, in your pockets where my hands once sat, under the seats in your car, even in the bottom of the bottle I drank while you held me, making me the most raw, most happy, I have been in ages. You have my pieces, do with them as you wish.

Breaking at the britches.

I'm sorry for a multitude of things; Like never being the girl that you needed me to be, or for that time I made you so mad that you hid from me in Bunnings and wouldn't let me hold your hand for the rest of the day. Or the time I screamed at your because you were ignoring me so you could watch that stupid movie, "The Boat that Rocked". I'm sorry for all the wrong-doings I accused you of and all the times I didn't trust you when you told me I should. I'm sorry that I always laughed when you were trying your best to be seductive.

I am sorry you went through this alone, when above everyone, I was meant to be the one person who should have been there for you.
I'm sorry that I am pressuring you to put me on that god damned list so I get the phone call. I'm sorry that I don't know how to deal with all this and that I am an emotional train crash because the one person that was helping me through this has jumped ship. I am sorry that I am having such a hard time letting go of you, and that every time I see you we have to have this same talk as it might be the last time I ever see you.

You were a bigger person than me, and you let yourself look like the biggest asshole in this entire world just to protect everyone. I want to protect you; I want to keep you safe and I want to save you, but I can't do any of these things, and for that, I am most sorry.

It's been a long week...

It's been a long week since I spoke to you last. I'd like to tell you nothing has changed, but in fact my entire world got picked up the minute you walked out, although now it seems that it has fallen back on its head.

I was scared to let myself love someone else, because in doing that I knew that I would forget some parts of you, parts of us. The small things, the ones I took for granted like the funny hairs on the inside of your arm, or the way you would sigh when I did something you disapproved of, or the way you would always kiss me at the petrol station in-between filling your tank and paying - you'd always sneak in that kiss. I'm scared to move on because I am scared of loosing you, more than anything. Mostly because I don't know how much longer I will have you in my life, and partly because you made me everything that I am, as much as I hate admitting that, so if you're gone, does that mean I'm gone too?

I like this boy, I really do. And I know what you would say if you met him. I think you'd be happy. You would warn me and say all the nasty things that you always say to me about boys, but I really think you'd like this one. I want to be happy, and he does that to me, amongst a million other things. I was unsure that I would ever be happy without you. You told me that you wanted me to find what I was looking for and maybe this is it. I found happiness in the form of human being and he's more special than I have words to describe.

I miss you more than I can bare most days, but its becoming easier now that I have someone helping me through. The trouble is he was chasing me and now, it feels like I am chasing him, and maybe that is what I have done again. I have chased him away. The thing about you though, is whatever bullshit we went through, either one of us could call with more screwed up situations than I could usually imagine and we'd be there for each other and that was the way it went. But with my new boy, I'm scared he isn't coming back. And I'm scared you aren't either. Why do I keep losing the most important things in my life?

Its been a long week since I spoke to you last. A lot changed.

Make Believe

Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up all those things - trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones.
-C.S Lewis


Maybe I have made this all up in my head, maybe you never really wanted me anyway... I'd prefer to believe that maybe you once wanted me, than know you never did at all.

Most Beautiful

'I know the house you grew up in isn’t far from here. i don’t go there because i know it’s filled with ghosts. i write about you a lot and you don’t even know it. it’s hard sometimes. to say things i know you’ll never hear. i know a lot of things. like how to break a fence so that you can sneak into someone else’s pool. i know how to put it back together again quickly when it’s almost dawn and their porch lights just flickered on. i know how to pull the tail off a crawfish just right. i know that venus is the brightest planet in the sky. i know some things first hand. that the first thing you forget about a person is their voice. that sometimes you make wishes on people like they’re lost stars. how you find yourself alone at night starting to hope that when they finally fall to the earth you can collect them in the ruffles of your skirt. but sometimes they burn out before they even get that close.

i know that these knees i hold are only nineteen years old. but some of me is older.

you told me once that you loved my eye lashes and the face i made when the boys were yelling in the street and i was mystified. i’m always mystified. when real life for a fraction of a second actually feels like real life. like i know one day i’ll die and never get these things back. how sometimes summer can make a moment sizzle right before it fades.

you always sizzled just before you started to fade.

it’s hard not to cry when i think of thompson road in the passenger seat of that car you stole and your hand rolled cigarettes with their ashes floating out the window. i was electrified, i was terrified, i was young and that lonely highway didn’t mind. you were blue eyed and lovedrunk. i was fascinated. i was wide eyed and willing. i was whole and now i’m wilting. but i’m still fascinated, i’m still wide-eyed, i’m still reeling. i’m still pulling at what pleated pieces of you i’ve got left in the bottom of my pockets

because you found me and you changed me.

you were summer storms, you were swollen and sunburned, and i followed you where ever your lightening decided to strike. sometimes i tell people about you like it doesn’t hurt. like this isn’t hard. like it’s just lint, just loose change, some backyard apologies, some long lost stars we tried to collect in our collarbones once, some bottom of the ninth summer we forgot by the fall. we dug our selves a grave, took everything this world gave, never regretted a goddamn thing, we loved like it couldn’t break even when it did.

seven years. i only had you for seven years. but i did not cry. i did not mind. i was mesmerized. i felt something. it’s gone now, but it comes back in flashes. you dancing in the kitchen, getting lost in destin, the tangles in your hair, the long drive from texas, when you let me fall asleep in the space between your shoulder and your neck, when you told me i made you feel safe. you’re gone now. you’ve been gone for a long time. but i know i felt something. i didn’t cry because i know for the rest of our lives that at least once there was a moment in the middle when we felt something'.
-HQ

Welcome back

'E.E Cummings once wrote: To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best night and day to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight... and never stop fighting'.

Sorry about my absence the last few days... guess I have been busy living. I have defended and declared some pretty confronting situations on the battlefront of late, and I have newly discovered wounds and fixtures.

I am falling for this boy, who has shown me a type of connection that I was previously unaware existed. I was unsure that I could ever feel this way about anyone. And I know that I am hurting him, and tearing his head apart, but I suppose I am too selfish to walk away from this. I have a new fear; that being that I am scared no one will ever feel about me the way he does. Maybe, I am also scared that no one will ever compare to the way I feel about him.

I am also fighting an uphill battle for my ex to keep me in the last few months of his life. He doesn't want to know me anymore, and while I am struggling to come to terms to understand how he thinks he is protecting me by doing this, it's killing me to know that he is going through this alone.

There is a million other stories that I would love to share about the past few weeks, but it's closing time for my mind I think. I am going to resort back to that very constant topic that has been in the forefront of my mind and close my eyes to dream of this sweet, sweet person.