It's been a long week...

It's been a long week since I spoke to you last. I'd like to tell you nothing has changed, but in fact my entire world got picked up the minute you walked out, although now it seems that it has fallen back on its head.

I was scared to let myself love someone else, because in doing that I knew that I would forget some parts of you, parts of us. The small things, the ones I took for granted like the funny hairs on the inside of your arm, or the way you would sigh when I did something you disapproved of, or the way you would always kiss me at the petrol station in-between filling your tank and paying - you'd always sneak in that kiss. I'm scared to move on because I am scared of loosing you, more than anything. Mostly because I don't know how much longer I will have you in my life, and partly because you made me everything that I am, as much as I hate admitting that, so if you're gone, does that mean I'm gone too?

I like this boy, I really do. And I know what you would say if you met him. I think you'd be happy. You would warn me and say all the nasty things that you always say to me about boys, but I really think you'd like this one. I want to be happy, and he does that to me, amongst a million other things. I was unsure that I would ever be happy without you. You told me that you wanted me to find what I was looking for and maybe this is it. I found happiness in the form of human being and he's more special than I have words to describe.

I miss you more than I can bare most days, but its becoming easier now that I have someone helping me through. The trouble is he was chasing me and now, it feels like I am chasing him, and maybe that is what I have done again. I have chased him away. The thing about you though, is whatever bullshit we went through, either one of us could call with more screwed up situations than I could usually imagine and we'd be there for each other and that was the way it went. But with my new boy, I'm scared he isn't coming back. And I'm scared you aren't either. Why do I keep losing the most important things in my life?

Its been a long week since I spoke to you last. A lot changed.