Deep Breathing

I love you but I fear that you are always going to love something else before you fall back to me. Maybe after two long years this is where we are, a mutual standing. Maybe this is it and we have finally achieved what we wanted for so, so long. Then I remember being curled up on the couch with you and feeling like I had my entire world in one room. I remember handing over all of my vulnerable pieces to you while you laughed at my pointless tantrums and promised me that I would always be okay, we’d be okay. And I remember how warm your skin would be when I could see fog coming out of my breath and how you’d hold both my hands in yours until I was warmer than you’d ever be. I know that the heart has reasons that reason does not know, but I learnt a new viewpoint on reasoning when my world disappeared. Now you are back, and I do love you, I love you with everything I ever could. And I want to destroy you before you have the chance to destroy yourself, but I can’t help remembering all of the things we spent months trying to forget. I remember the way you would always go without really leaving and so I am scared. There is so much I want in my life, so much I am going to do, but I am scared that none of it will mean anything if I am not with you.