Sunday, March 20, 2011

My heart is too big, and yours too black

Sometimes, I loved you. Sometimes, I sat in awe of you. And all the other times I was completely infatuated by you. I knew better than to accept things for face value but there was a magic about you that taught me to believe you were worth the benefit of my doubt. Deception is a priceless thing and you used it skillfully to your advantage. I apologised for ruining something you had worked hard on for seven years, but not one ounce of regret has fallen from your lips as you ruined something I had worked hard on for the best part of nineteen years.

Evidently, everything appears different in hindsight. I can see now that my heart was too big, and yours too black. I would have taken all your run-ons and disappointed stares for the rest of my life if I knew it could have made you happy and you haven't even managed to think twice about the consequences you laid on me when you walked into my life and destroyed everything I stood for.

I know the blame does not rest solely with you, but you should have considered the long term before you dove into these shallow, shallow waters.
I am not the only broken one.

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5 comments:

  1. AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 12:03 PM

    Every time I read one of your posts it feels like I know exactly how you're feeling. Of course I don't everyone's different but you've made me feel less alone over the past months I've been going through a rough breakup. I'd just like to say thanks, even though I am also sorry you're going through it at all. Kat

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  2. Hello, Hannah?March 21, 2011 at 9:16 PM

    You are right, every situation is different, but they all have the same bottom line. We lost something that we cared a great deal about and we also lost a lot of ourselves along the way. I am so happy that you can relate and it makes you feel a little bit better.
    Your blog is amazing! You have so much talent and it is what will pull you through such horrible times.
    ♥

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  3. AnonymousMarch 21, 2011 at 11:48 PM

    Thank you I really appreciate you saying that. I love the way you write you capture how you're feeling beautifully. I hope things are better for you soon. I'll continue to read your blog, so at least you know however bad you feel when you put it on here someone (across the world I think) is thinking of you and hoping it all works out.
    <3

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  4. Hello, Hannah?March 22, 2011 at 10:54 PM

    I don't think I could ever find the right words to tell you just how much that comment means to me! Thank you so very much for letting me know what my writing means to you and making me feel as though it translates and means something to someone other than myself.
    You are lovely on so many levels!

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  5. AnonymousMarch 26, 2011 at 4:35 AM

    Well thank you very much :) so are you. Just keep writing that's what means most.

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