I love you to the moon and back, but I'd go farther if you asked.

Cold autumn nights with the familiar sting that winter is just around the corner, childhood sweethearts and distant memories from countries I cannot remember. I have almost forgotten what it is like to not miss someone or be anxious or be so god damn tired all of the time. Life is funny sometimes. Not always 'haha' funny or 'I'm getting abs from laughing' kind of funny, but 'for-the-20-millionth-time-I-have-got-myself-into-the-same-unbelievable-situation' kind of funny. Lately, however, it has turned into "I-am-going-to-run-20-miles-with-a-broken-heart-and-pretend-everything-is-still-okay" kind of funny, which to be honest, really isn't funny at all. It's ironic, the way we say life can be funny, when no one is laughing and so I'm waiting, waiting anxiously all the time for the day that you turn up on my doorstep or my phone rings and you ruin everything all over again. But you know what, I'll still get my dustpan out and sweep up your fragments and put you back together so you can do it all over again. Solid ground has never been so unattainable. You used to be my life raft, but now you're the sinking ship. I love you to the moon and back, but I'd go farther if you asked.