I am in a constate state of debate within my head at the moment. I look at you, and although it doesn't happen often, when you smile it's like nothing else could even matter. It's just the all-consuming ever-peaceful smile that makes me forget all the reasons I shouldn't want this. You ask me how I am, not to break ice, but because you are genuinely interested about how I am and what I am thinking about, and you know what, you are the only person in this world who I answer that question honestly with. You speak to me like there is something worth finding, something hidden that you are going to unlock, and the fact that you treat me like a fragile princess makes me feel so delicate.
Then I think about it and this battle starts. You make me feel all the feelings I thought I'd never experience again, but I am afraid that there is a ticking time bomb on this. I'm scared I won't be as great as you envisioned me, or you'll find someone more beautiful, more insightful, more intelligent. I don't want to live my life in fear that there is going to be something better that catches your eye, but I don't want to live my life knowing that I gave up one ultimate chance at happiness.
So while I am testing your patience while I struggle to make up my mind, just rest knowing that this isn't easy on me either.
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