Bare

It’s time that I say I’m sorry. I’m sorry about the way the rain fell on the tinted windows, the notes and the fruit flowers magnet I carry around and all of the words that fell out of my mouth that shouldn’t have been said. I’m sorry for that time you picked me up and I ruined everything and that I couldn’t look at you because I didn’t want you to know how broken I was and that I couldn’t really tell you why. I don’t forgive you for what you have made me feel because I do not want to, but I know you won’t forgive me for pushing you to do it. And I’m sorry about the way I look at you like you are my universe, sorry for always calling back too many times because you are always the last thought in my head before I sleep, sorry for never giving up. I’m sorry for the tension that is strewn between us even though you are the most important person in my life, and I am sorry that I do not regret this in the slightest. I am sorry because I do not know how I lost you when my universe had highlighted you and pointed a massive arrow in your direction. I’m sorry you did not want our world to be rain falling on tinted windows, notes, fruit flowers and all the words that fell out of my mouth. I watch you separate your world from mine, watch you separate everything that I want, so that it is just slightly out of my reach. I realise that even though my entire world is now the smell of you, and our perfect height together, empty car parks and song lyrics, the way I fit into your arms and the way I would choose to talk to you over any other person walking this planet, it is not your whole world. My entire world and your world are being separated. But you learn to grow, you remember because you cannot bear to forget. We lived in the future of our dreams because the present was far too real to grasp. Mostly, you fit where there is a gap, like ivy, we can only grow where there is room for us. Every day, for the rest of forever, I vow to be the best friend that you could ever ask for. Even when you would rather I was anything but.