August Fourth.

August fourth. I have dreaded the thought of this day for a long time now as I knew that when I reached this day, it would mark one year since you changed my life. I didn’t expect anything, because expecting anything from you is like expecting to see dinosaurs when I leave my front door of a morning.
There is not much I can say about us anymore. Except for the fact that even after 365 days, you are still the one I talk to in my head, regardless of how many people I've been through or situations I have faced, you are still the one I need to calm me down. I find myself questioning my actions, wondering if you would approve, or if you would do that silly thing where you shake your head a giggle quietly to yourself. I was anxious when my computer died, and i lost everything I had written about you, but this was pointless, there is no way I could ever forget you.
Today, I allowed myself to think of you all day (something I usually forbid) and even after 365 it’s still you, I don’t know how you did it. I know you don’t believe in this sort of thing, but my friend today who works in spiritual healing told me he could sense a mix of resentment, loss and love in me today but he was at a complete loss to tell me when emotion was portraying as more powerful. You know what, I couldn’t tell him either, you are everything.

I'm scared that I have let go of the one person I will never emotionally be able to detach myself from, and I am so worried what this means for me. For so long I blamed you for everything, but I have started to make sense of it all and realise how much of it was my fault. Thank you for being so beautiful and wonderful and sensitive majority of the time. During our good days, there isn't much I wouldn't give up to spend one more day like that with you.
After 365 days, there has not been one day that has passed where I have failed to think about you.